It’s not pretty.
But then again, I don’t make any time to give a damn because of course, time is of the essence.
Wet and reeking of chemicals, I heave myself out. Some days it’s clear and welcoming, other days the thick murkiness makes me question why I insisted on deeming it still healthy. In this case, I blame my naivety and pretend that water-laden diseases will just make you stronger. It’s time for battle, white blood cells.
Squeak. Squeak. Squeeeeak. Squeak.
Apparently one-dollar Old Navy flip flops require WD-90 on the tile floors. I try to step lighter, place my weight differently or maybe just walk faster to avoid the unusually piercing soundtrack to my pace. Forget it. Nothing helps. Play your sweet song cheap things.
Squeak. Squeak. Squeeeeak. Squeak. Oh crap. What was that reflection?
You didn’t see it?!
It was horrid!
It was this soggy, tangled thing. Its hair was slicked back, yet still mangled its face. Then it had these deep, crimson rings around both of its eyes and its face was peppered with red bumps and bruises. It was a frightful sight that you are probably better off never seeing. I can’t look anymore, I had to move on.
By this time, I’m questioning what designer deemed these free towels worthy of any sort of drying and wicking. Barely large enough to wrap around me, but short enough to ensure that my booty is always, ever so slightly, hanging out. Carefully preventing a free-for-all peep show while still disregarding all modesty, I rip the spandex-like suit off and prep for my next outfit change which is actually more difficult than it appears.
Wet body and dry clothing don’t make for a seamless transition. It’s a balancing act to stay appropriately covered yet shove limbs into clothing that seems to be stuck in its place. HEAVE-HO-HEAVE-HO. Where are my costume changing people? Cher has people. Britney has people. I need people!
What feels like an embarrassing and awkward half an hour is probably only 29 minutes, or three minutes…to-may-toe/to-ma-toe. I lace up my feet and pull back my hair into a svelte pony. Don’t worry, I’ll share the how-to so you can pin it on Pinterest. And like that, I am ready for round two.
But on the way out, I catch another glimpse…
Why won’t that freaking monster leave me alone?
Super cute and funny post! I can TOTALLY relate! So much so that I rarely transition and just hit the shower. Sometimes I get the other workout in before the swim or just wait and do it after work! Marathon training is so much prettier 🙂
this is hysterical! although i don’t swim, i can totally relate to pulling the hair back after a run and rushing off to work!
Oh, dry clothes on a wet body is a horrible combination!
Oh I just love this post! Your words painted the perfect picture! And to echo Susan, trying to squeeze wet clothes onto a dry body or vice versa – horrid situation all around!
Just remember it will all be worth it in the end! Keep up the great work Page! We are all rooting for you! 🙂
HAHA this totally captures the extreme sexiness that defines the sport of swimming. I used to be a swimmer so I know about it. have you mastered the stand on the flip flops while changing your bottoms maneuver? Or the secret way to put on your suit that minimizes booty exposure?
hahahaha, for real!
THIS post is the best!! 🙂 Exactly how I felt this morning.
Haha, I can totally relate. Loved this post!
This made me crack up. There is nothing fun about changing after swimming–especially at the gym! Clothes don’t go on right. Hair is crazy. But always worth it!
This is why I don’t swim. ;P
Oh god, I love this. Here’s what I want to know: how does one put on a sports bra after swimming with a modicum of grace?
LOL, I avoid the mirror like the plague after a swim. Yikes!
hahaha, happy swimming!
cracking up! this post had me in stitches because i’ve so been there. most recently my embarrassing gym moment involved trying to change (while sweaty) into a fitted tank top and it got stuck- above my chest. Rolled up tank top and me, hanging out doing the akward dance trying to get the thing on. Not my finest hour (or 3 minutes). 🙂