If you’re looking for a sure-fire way to completely flush your romantic Valentine’s Day plans down the toilet, I have just the thing! It’s simple really, just follow these easy steps:
- That free chicken pizza in the office kitchen that looks so tempting? Give in and have a slice. What’s the worst that could happen?
- When you’re in that 3 p.m. brainstorm and you start to get dizzy – ignore it. You’re just being a baby.
- When the office hosts it’s Valentine’s Day dessert potluck, totally indulge in pink champagne and strawberry pie. It’s pink after all and you love pink.
- Rush out the door at 5:30 reminding your colleagues that you absolutely must be home by 6:45 because your husband has something special planned for your first Valentine’s Day as a married couple.
- When you get on Bart, there’s no seats and you’re in heels. It’s ok though, just stay standing and whip out your Kindle to see what will happen to Katniss.
- Fifteen minutes into the ride and you start getting abnormally hot, look around and see if anyone else is sweating as much as you are. They aren’t, so just take your jacket off.
- As the sweat starts to drip down your face and you start to get nauseous, ask some guy if you can have his seat as you aren’t feeling well and watch all of the surrounding Bart passengers stare at you.
- When you feel your lip starting to quiver you realize that it’s coming. You text your husband because you’re not quite sure what to do. Bart is pulling up to the next stop and it’s like a baby – it’s time and you can’t stop it.
- Literally run off of Bart, unable to find a trashcan, see people racing past you, and well, lose your lunch on the empty Bart train tracks. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life.
- Start crying. Call your husband. Plead forgiveness as you have ruined Valentine’s Day. Get back on the next train. Spend the rest of the night hugging the porcelain goddess.
Awe – precious, right?
Happy Belated Valentine’s Day!