It has come to my attention that the gym locker room exists in a universe of its own.
The "rules” and social norms that exists outside of the tiled walls do not apply in said space. Instead the locker room defies common sense, courtesy, and civil expectations, for a culture of shocking practices.
I have invested a large amount of time in the locker room, not out of choice but rather out of obligation, and in doing so, I have noticed a common thread: weirdness.
While what is considered “weird” by one person many be considered completely normal to another, I firmly believe that we can all see the “weirdness” in the following observations. Humor me, if you will:
- The application of three-foot hair extensions over a two hour period. Neither the place, nor time.
- Not wiping up the remnants of said hair extensions as they are completely covering the counter top. I’ve always wanted to gave long black hairs clinging to all of my stuff. Thank you.
- Bending over, in your party suit, with you rump perfectly in front of someone’s face as you bend down. Not necessary.
- As one woman is sitting at the counter applying her make-up, another naked woman comes up behind her to access the hair dryer. Because the hair dryer cannot be moved, the nude woman proceeds to spend five solid minutes drying her hair, standing right next to the other woman, with no concern of her naked state. Use a towel. They’re free.
- The news is on in the locker room for a reason. Just because you are spending thirty minutes getting ready and have a different choice of what you would like to listen to does not mean you should play music out loud from your crappy smartphone so everyone can enjoy your musical preference. I’ve heard more Adele than I can handle.
- The gym is a place to get ready in the morning. However, it is not the place to spread your entire make-up collection, your personal magnifying mirror, all of your products, and all of your appliances at one time, then proceed to spend an hour and a half perfecting your glamorous state. It’s only Tuesday.
- The gym is smart enough to provide a “lounging” area outside of the locker room. This area has big couches, a TV and tables. If one must conduct conference calls or do two hours of work (yes, you were there when I arrived and as I left), please do you business outside of the locker room. Not only is it better for us, but more sanitary for your keyboard!
- If you find something in the shower, it would behoove you to turn it into the lost and found. My bathing suit, goggles and swim cap that I left last week would be a perfect example. I really can’t fathom the benefits of keeping someone else’s bathing suit. Sicko.
Albeit, my observations have been of the female species, I’m willing to bet that such oddities have been experienced in a men’s locker room as well.
Tell me, what are some of the weird observations that you’ve captured in the locker room?
P.S. There are no photos in this post because that would be, well, weird.