Panic Attack: “A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear that develops for no apparent reason and that triggers severe physical reactions. Panic attacks can be very frightening. When panic attacks occur, you might think you’re losing control, having a heart attack or even dying.”
I had to Google it to make sure I wasn’t over exaggerating, but when I put my head in the open water for the first time and all I saw was this, I freaked:
Absolutely nothing – just solid green all around me.
Enter panic attack.
Allow me to backtrack…
There is a reservoir that my coach’s group will now be swimming at weekly. In order to get permission to swim out of the reservoir’s swim lanes, you must be an Orcas member and pass a simple 200 yard swim test. It should have been easy enough.
Today, we had said swim test followed by my first open water swim workout. I had dreams of this going swimmingly (pun intended). For the swim test, you weren’t allowed to wear a wetsuit, so without thinking twice, I waded through the water and into the swim lane area. Giggling and nervous, I made small talk with neighbor swimmers until I finally had to start.
I put my head in the water and attempted to swim regularly, but that’s when it hit me.
I couldn’t see anything. My heart went bezerk. I couldn’t regain my normal breathing routine.
Oh my God, what is this?!
I swam a handful of strokes and couldn’t do it.
My heart was pumping and my thoughts weren’t helping anything.
“I’m going to fail a 200 meter swim test. No, no, I wasn’t only going to fail, but I might drown. What if they need to send a life guard for me? I can’t do this. Oh my God, I signed up for an Ironman? What the hell did I get myself into. I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I’m going to drown. I can’t do this…”
And so I stopped and tried to compose myself again and somehow, I managed to fake my way through 200 meters at an atrocious pace.
I don’t think anyone noticed what happened out there because as I made my way back to the group, the Orcas leader gave me the official swim cap, the sign that I had “passed.”
Post panic attack number one, I was determined to do the 1,600 yard swim outside of the swim lanes with the rest of the group, but this time, in my wetsuit.
With the confidence of the wetsuit’s buoyancy at my back, I made my way out to the “rock pile” (the opposite side of the reservoir that acts as the turnaround point). I was still a disaster on the out AND back. I’d take a couple of strokes at a time and have to stop and regain composure. The anxiety-driven thoughts were overwhelming me, my wetsuit felt like it was choking me, I freaked out from the alleged choking, and then I got some severe gut aches because I was gasping for so much air.
Somehow, I flailed my arms and legs enough to get me back to the beach feeling pathetic and defeated.
I minimized my post-swim conversation, made my way back to my car and called my mom. I’d never, ever felt anything like this before and even thinking about it now gets my heart racing.
I know the only thing I can do is keep at it and with time, I’ll get comfortable. I’m thankful for all the tweets and emails I got about others experiencing the same thing with their first open water swim; it’s good to know that I’m not the only crazy one. But I’m still extremely nervous about the next time I face the open water, which will be soon.
But there was something good that came out of this swim. As I was walking to the swim lanes, I saw something hidden in the dirt. It’s face looked familiar so I grabbed it with my feet, rejoiced in my treasure and shoved it in my top.
I guess it did pay off.
Congrats on your first OWS! It will only get easier from here. If I’m in water where I can’t see anything, I usually just close my eyes when my face is in the water. Kinda weird, but prevents freaking.
Awe Page! It has happened to ALL OF US. No matter how strong of swimmers we are.
I do the same thing as Marlene – I close my eyes when my head is down so that I”m less focused on the fact that I can’t see anything, and instead highly focused on my form and picturing what I look like gliding through the water. Practice doing it in the pool – close your eyes and focus on your form – and then when you get back out in the open water, do it there and it will feel a lot more ‘normal’!
Aww, sorry to hear about your panic attack!
I had something very similar happen to me at the LA Triathlon last year. It was my second ever open water swim…I really should’ve practiced more. I joined an open swimming meetup here in LA to get a feel for ocean swimming and felt so confident after the first session that I stopped going. BIG MISTAKE.
However, I made it out of the water just fine….but I really should’ve prepared more. A lot of positive visualization during your usual swim workouts should help you deal with this if it strikes again. Positive thinking begets positive thinking, even in a rush/panic situation. You can do it!
-Amara
Good for you for fighting through the scary. I was advised a few weeks ago by a veteran triathlete that when you start to freak out going into the open water and your heart rate goes up, to just put your face in the cold water for about 30 seconds. It triggers the mammalian diving reflex (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mammalian_diving_reflex) and can help get your heart rate under control. Practice is the most important, and I’m sure you’ll be killing the open water swims soon!
You are such a rockstar for taking this biz on. And open water swimming definitely freaks the crap outta me. A lake I could at least wrap my brain around…unless it were one with sturgeons swimming it it. The ocean…no fucking way. No. Fucking. Way.
Go, girl! You will master this beast!
🙂
Hi there!
I live in Nova Scotia, and I’ve been surfing all my life, so it’s probably different BUT maybe it would help if you got on a surfboard and just paddled around? (I know there are no waves). I find it SO relaxing to just lie on my board in the middle of the ocean. Less scary with a big floatation device? You’ll find something that works for you. I’ve read your blog. You’re tough. Best of Luck!
Jennifer
I totally freaked out with my first open water swim. I’m a strong swimmer and for my first OWS with Team in Training, I joined the “advanced” group thinking that this was going to be a piece of cake. Wrong. As soon as I put my head in the water, I freaked out. I was like 5 feet from shore. It was embarrassing. With practice, I got more comfortable. it’s still not my favorite thing in the world but I know that I can do it. Practice definitely helps. I repeated a mantra to myself while swimming to help regulate my breathing and calm my nerves. Good luck!
I so badly want to try a tri but this whole concept terrifies me. you are far from the first one to experience it but look, you did great and most importantly YOU DID IT!!! it only goes up from here. congrats P.
I usually feel like calling my mom or dad whenever I have a similar freakout (not open water swimming induced, though). I hope it’s a one time thing, like a rite of passage for people training for triathlons.
Congratulations on your swim. I`m not a swimmer so I can`t comment on the panic attack, but I`m crossing my fingers for you and I`m sure that your next swim in open water will be a lot better!
I’d freak out, too.
You’ll get there! I don’t swim nor open water swim, but I’m sure it will get easier/less scary!
Despite having 16 years of competitive swimming under my belt, and the experience of several open water swims, I STILL find myself having panic attacks in open water. I’ve just accepted that I will freak out a little each time I swim in the lake (Lake Pontchartrain, a large, brackish, muddy lake that is subject to large waves when the wind kicks up). I’ve found it helps me to get in slowly, allow myself to float around a bit, and then just put my head in the (brown) water and go. You’ll get there. Good luck!
That is perfectly normal to have that reaction.
My first OWS race was a 500m race and I swam it all practically on my back because I was so nervous. 15 minutes later I was out of the water and onto my bike and haven’t looked back.
It gets easier, trust me. So much so that going to the pool this morning after having swam 2+ miles yesterday in the open water and I was frustrated and actually disliked the first 500 yards until I got used to the pool again.
It happens. Put it in the memory bank and keep moving forward.
I haven’t done much open-water swimming because, well, I can’t really swim! But I’ve heard that panic attacks in the water are a pretty common thing. I’m impressed that you finished the whole distance. I think I would have called for a rescue kayak or something.
Sweet $5 find! What are you going to buy with it? I’m thinking coffee + cupcake 🙂
The same thing happened to me a three weeks ago. I had my first Olympic two weekends ago and I wanted to get an OWS in before my race to test out my wetsuit. Major fail! I got cold shock and started hyperventilating. Felt really discourage, but seeked advice. At my race I got into the water 15 minutes before the start about waist deep and submerged my face blowing air out. After a few times doing that I dunked my head severals times until my body felt adjusted. Did a few warm up laps and I was set. Not one freak out the entire 1500 meter swim. I think its just the inital shock, but once you calm yourself down it gets a lot easier. Good luck.
I can’t even swim in a pool, so I’m totally feeling you on the open water freak out. I can’t even imagine. I think it’ll definitely get better with time. And if the roads keep rewarding you with $5 bills … well … you’ll HAVE to return until you nail it!
First of all, you are a rockstar for signing up for an Ironman!!! I am training for a sprint tri and the swim is killing me!! I am not a swimmer!!!
And Now that I have read your post I am even more nervous! I know open water swiming is part of it, but it just makes my heart beat fast just thinking about it. I look forward to reading about more of your open water swims. Maybe it will help me mentally prepare for the open water swim.
Your reaction was totally normal! My training buddy cried the first time she went into the open water (the ocean) – she lives in San Diego but never got in past her waist. Now she is swimming like a champ out there. Don’t worry – you will definitely get used to it and you will do great at your race!!
Congrats on making it to the rock pile and back. As everyone above said, it will get easier and you will soon find yourself actually enjoying not having to turn around every 25 meters. We went out this morning at 6AM and the lake was like glass. It was kinda cool almost like making first tracks on a ski descent. I did almost plow into a fishing boat though because I was kinda zoned out and not spotting very often. I have to remember we share the lake not only with the overly aggressive geese but also with fisherpeople.
P.S. One thing that helped me get over my fear of open water was actually being able to see what’s down there. When I started to scuba dive, all my fear of open water vanished. One thing you can do at SC is to go out in the swim lane early morning or evening and swim inside the lane lines where the water is shallow. You can see the bottom and what is/is not down there. In all the years I’ve only seen a few small fish, one lonely crawdad, a used diaper, lots of goose poop, some sort of lake weed, and I kid you not, a feminine product. So, no scary stuff, mostly just disgusting stuff. What’s the song by Kelly Clarkson “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Swim at SC for any length of time and you will be even more of a rock star than you are now.
welcome to the club! every triathlete panics in open water at least once, probably more than once. try not to let it get to you…as with everything, it just takes time to get used to. if anything, switch to breast stroke and keep your face out of the water until you can relax. it’s easy to forget how different ows is from doing laps in the pool. making these a part of your weekly schedule will be hugely helpful. and good for you for getting through it!
p.s. totally unrelated, but in regards to my spare tire kit, it’s in a little pouch that straps to the underside of my saddle. the issue i’m currently trying to figure out is fluid storage. i have one on the frame (can’t fit a second) and two on the back of the saddle, but i can’t seem to reach them when i’m riding, which sort of makes them useless. thinking about investing in a bottle that fits between my aero bars… what’s your set up so far?
@ Rachel- Depending on your frame size, you may be able to use a product called Speedfill. It is a large reservoir that mounts to the bottle cage mounts on your frame, with a long straw that travels up your frame to where you can sip from it. It has a fill port you can shove on course water bottles or Gatorade into and quickly refill while you are riding.
The aerodrink bottles that mount between your handle bars are an option if you cannot use the Speedfill, but they tend to rattle a bit and are messy.
Hey Rachel,
So far, it’s one cage and the double in the back. However, this weekend I added the aero bottle up front and LOVED IT! I could climb, drink, the whole kit and kaboodle without worrying. Really helped me stick to my hydration plan. Some people say they rattle or are annoying, but I strapped it in tight and didn’t have any problems.
🙂
I LOVE the ocean, LOVE body-surfing, LOVED the one swim lesson I took … and STILL freaked out on my first open-water swim (and my first open-water race leg). Ugh. It really does feel like it’s getting easier every time, but I now have a moment of panic about whether or not I’m going to panic! One thing that’s honestly really helped me is to get in and put my feet up and just float — it helps me remember how much work the wetsuit is doing for me.
We saw a ginormous centipede on a hike once here in AZ. It was at least 8 or so inches long. It was a mutant centipede!! I am surprised I haven’t seen a rattlesnake yet, actually. A lot of my friends have on hikes…..I am really excited to be running my first half marathon in two weekends in SF! Any chance you’ll be near the Diva’s Half Marathon on May 6th? It would be so cool to meet you!
The first time I did “real” open water swimming (aka not playing around in a lake on a warm summer day…) was during my first (and only) tri. We swam in the river in Philly, and I thought I’d be fine…until I put my head down and 50 meters later freaked out about not being able to see where I was or where I was going. Since I was only doing it for fun, I told myself I could keep my head up, doggy paddle, whatever to finish the short 600m course. Halfway through I manned up and put my head down…and nearly took down a lifeguard. Oops? It gets better…
My heart started racing just reading about your experience. I say it will only get better from here. Before my first triathlon, Lisa Bentley did a little talk with some tips. One was to get in, get wet, put your face in the water, and do a couple fast sprints. It gets your heart rate up. Personally, I think it also makes you relax a bit for the real swim.
The good thing about AZ is that it’s in resevoir-type water so it’ll be roughly the same as where you’re practicing.
Hang in there!
AW!!! That sucks!!!! But you’re handling it with grace and you’re right– all you can do is just keep at it. You’ll totally get there!! GOOD LUCK!!
Chris almost dropped out of his first triathlon because he panicked so bad in the swim AND swimming ended up being his favorite part. From everything I have heard, it’s just part of the initiation into tris and I have no doubt you will be a pro soon!
I swam competitively in elementary, middle, and high school. I was on 3 teams – 1 year round, one summer only and one winter only and whenever they overlapped, 2-a-day practices were common. I’ve taught swimming, coached swimming, and I spend 4 years as a lifeguard/pool manager. I am utterly terrified of open water swimming. Last time I was in a lake, I fell off a raft that was attached to a jetski. Despite having a lifejacket and TWO people right there to help I freaked the f*** out and took a few minutes to get ahold of myself and climb back on. Open water is scary!!! Thinking it’s scary doesn’t make you any less of a swimmer. In time you’ll get used to it and by IMAZ time it’ll be no big deal 🙂
Congrats for winning it. You deserved that! Always take care of yourself and keep a healthy body. 🙂 I am sure that you are now ready for the next level, am I right?
I “tried” my first tri today in Iowa. Before hand I was telling myself to swim my own race. Well, needless to say, as soon as I started, this quickly changed to external focus. I only got 150m in when my suit and my thoughts consumed me. As soon as I got home I went and searched for remedies. I feel a little better to know I’m not the only one that went back to the start, embarrased with my tail between my legs. I’m just going to have to get the OW time in to get more comfortable. I also like the ideas others have posted about closing youyr eyes while under water to practice not seeing anything. My breathing has to also improve with the wetsuit.
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