Last week I was one of “those” people.
You know them. That person who tweets ambiguous things or laments their woes via social media. Yup, I was that person. Twice.
I think I tweeted because of the amazing lil’ community we have online and the immense amount of support we have for each other. All of your tweets and emails made a world of difference — thank you for that.
As you may have noticed, I’ve been a little quite on the blog lately and to be honest, it’s partly due to frustration. Here’s a bit of a status update: After taking almost a month off of running because of my knee (with the exception of Vineman and some other smaller runs), I was more than ready for my knee pain to be gone. But last weekend the pain was still there — I had to cut my long ride in half and I was to aqua jog instead.
Then, after 20 minutes of looking like an idiot sharing a lane with two other people, aqua jogging, and forcing them to swim around me, I had to get out because I could feel my knee tightening up. After I got out, I could feel it. It wasn’t a sharp shooting pain, nor was it throbbing, but rather it felt like the muscles on the inside of my right knee completely clamped up and tightened into a little, SOB ball. WHAT THE HELL?! I was aqua jogging! This isn’t supposed to happen!
I stood by the bleachers sopping wet for about five minutes while every negative thought filled my head and I began to sob. With tears fully flowing, I proceeded to stretch my knee out which actually helped it feel back to normal, then got in my car and cried some more while muttering all of the following…
I don’t know how I’m going to do this.
It’s all over.
It’s peak training time and I’m missing it.
I still have so much more endurance to build.
Why is this happening?
What did I do wrong?
I won’t be able to do it.
I can’t do it.
At one point, my tears had dried out and I was only left with my pitiful depression. But as soon as I talked to my coach, I could feel the tears coming on again and I had to cut the call short so I didn’t babble like a baby while on the phone.
Like clockwork, the tears dried out again and I hoped a good night’s sleep would help settle my soul. Not so. I woke up in a depressed funk, had one of my worst swims yet, cried in the shower, got in a fight with Chicken Face because I was being a depressed idiot, and you can see how the pattern went on.
It’s now Sunday afternoon and while my mood is much better, I’m still terrified of what then next four months will bring. I know that I am at fault for a lot of this. I should have been stretching more, strength training more and taking better care of myself. But with my old quality of life, I only had a certain amount of time per day to train, so I would choose the workouts themselves above anything else. Now I am paying the price.
I am also honest and realize that in the grander scheme of things, I’m still very lucky and this is what I would call a #firstworldproblem. But it’s still very important to me and am struggling through it. I’m sticking to my recovery plan of RICEing, stretching, and strengthening, and am going to see a new chiro (insurance reasons) tomorrow morning.
I wish I could say that my attitude has changed or that I found some secret to it all, but I suppose the only thing I can do right now is be patient.
BUT! In other good news, the winner of the Gatorade Pro Chews giveaway is….
(Drum roll please)
Here’s to patience and happy running…