This weekend, my little sister got married and I was so excited to be a part of her special day.
It was an intimate ceremony followed by a private dinner with just immediate family. It was after the ceremony that she also passed out these adorable little cards that revealed the baby’s gender: I’m going to have a nephew!
I’m so, so excited for my sister, my now brother-in-law (who we all adore) and my soon-to-be godson (did I mention that too?!). I say this not only to celebrate their marriage, but also to mention how completely selfish I feel.
Training for an Ironman makes me feel incredibly selfish.
Let’s take my sister’s wedding for example. Chicken Face and I left California Thursday afternoon and made the 3.5 hour drive to Nevada. I saw my sister for a bit and heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time, then went to sleep only so I could wake up and get my long run in before the wedding festivities began. I thought I had planned accordingly but at mile 8 of what was supposed to be a 16 mile run, I got a phone call from my sister.
“Hey…gasp…gasp…gasp…I’m running. I’ll be home in an hour or so.”
“AN HOUR?! I thought we were going to breakfast!?”
Granted, I wasn’t aware of any breakfast plans, but it was her wedding day and I thought I’d be back before she even woke up. Thus, I cut the run two miles short and made it home as quickly as possible for a total of 14. All was fine in the end, but that day was supposed to be about her, not my training.
To take it to the next level, not only did we drive up Thursday night, celebrate the nuptials on Friday at 4 and dinner at 6, but we had to leave that night by 10:30 in order to get home in time to get some sleep for a big training day on Saturday. Not only did we leave that night, but Chicken Face drove into the early morning hours just so I could get some sleep. He never complained once. Man I love that kid.
I felt horrible about the entire thing and it made me miss my family terribly, but I also felt that it was the best solution – October is critical as it is peak training time and the long workouts are key. I had to make sacrifices to make it all work.
These examples are just the tip of the iceberg because when they say that you have to sacrifice during Ironman training, they weren’t exaggerating. In fact, I think no one really warns you.
I’ve missed birthdays.
I’ve missed sleep.
I’ve missed mother’s day.
I’ve missed blogging.
I’ve missed father’s day.
I’ve missed races.
I’ve missed seeing friends.
I’ve missed post-work outings.
I’ve missed taking care of Lola the way a good puppy parent should.
I’ve missed being with my family.
And most regrettably, I’ve missed being with my husband.
All to hopefully say that I’ll be an Ironman one day.
When I look at the list of just some of the things I’ve sacrificed in the name of the Ironman, especially over an entire year, it would be easy to dismiss this entire thing as being trivial. Why do this? Look at all of the genuinely important things you’ve missed! However, I need to look at it a different way.
Yes, my journey to (hopefully) becoming an Ironman was a year in my life that nine times out of 10, I had to put myself and my training first. You have to. If you don’t train, you won’t finish. I’m almost having difficulty writing this because it sounds so awful, but I had to be selfish. But by choosing to go from zero to 100 and tackle a full Ironman with minimal triathlon experience, I was wandering into uncharted waters in an effort to discover myself, face my fears, and to see what I’m made of. And all the while, I learned that it’s because I really love it. It is what makes me the happiest and most complete.
What I’ve learned about myself since then is another post itself, but I will tell you this. I’m thankful for the people around me who have forgiven my absence and still supported this journey.
Most importantly, thank you to Chicken Face for putting up with my never-ending messes, stacks of water bottles, CarboPro dust everywhere, load after load of laundry, the helmet in the shower, the wet bathing suits drying throughout our bathroom, our increased grocery bills, the drawers full of fuel, the bike still sitting out on the trainer in the living room, falling asleep far too early, abusing the ballerina bun hairstyle, the never-ending Amazon orders, my incessant rambling about all things Ironman, my moodiness, my freak outs, my breakdowns, my happy moments, and most importantly, being part of this wild ride. We’re almost there.
Happy Running.
Nice post Page. You have an end in site. You know all these sacrifices means you’ll cry when you cross the finish line. I haven’t done an IM, but interestingly, the list of sacrifices and the post rings true for me running a business the last 5 years. A different goal, different challenge, but doing what is required to be successful.
Thanks Debbie! It’s not that I want it to end, I just want to do it all!
I love your last line: different goal, different challenge, but that’s what it takes to be successful!
I love this post a lot. It’s okay to do what you want to do, too. Balance is hard; sounds like you’re getting it.
Thanks, Alyssa. I’m not sure I’ll ever get it…but just trying to.
This post made me cry . I think it was the part when u genuinely seemed so excited to be our babies god parents and the part about having a nephew. We know how hard it was to find time for us this weekend and we appreciate it more then you know. I love you page!
Love you sister!
You have a wonderful support team. Next year can be ChickenFace’s turn to be selfish, it’s all about the give and take. Does he have any bucket list items?
Never for a moment feel guilty for chasing down your dream. You’re incredible and not only because of what an amazing athlete you are and how hard you’ve trained but because it does seem like you have balance. From what I can tell you show a LOT of love to your fam & friends, and that’s really hard to fit in when you’re eating sleeping and breathing ironman. Can’t wait to see how well you do!
This post was beautiful Page. You are incredibly lucky to have such understanding Friends and Family. I know they all understand! I hope that as many of them will be possible to cheer you on on the big day. They know that you care. You are such an inspiration!
Page — You have had some serious peaks & valleys through this year, training. know that all the experiences you have are relevant to your life & they will continue to mirror back to what is important day to day.
Congrats on a nephew! Sooooo exciting!
xo L
I say pretty much the same things to my wife, and I’m only training for a marathon. It sure is a lot but those around us know how important it is to us.
And…you look hot in that dress!
I soooo feel you, and I’m not even doing a freaking Ironman! I cannot believe how lucky we both are to have husbands that are so understanding when it comes to training and juggling schedules. I’m sure in the end, when you cross that finish line (with a blazing fast time), it will be worth it!
I firmly believe that in order to be our best for those we love, we first have to care for ourselves, and that is what you are doing! Not selfish. You recognize, acknowledge and love all the people in your life who love and support you. I would guess you’d do the same for any of them! What you’re doing is inspirational
This post is inspiring. Although you’ve missed important events, it shows how dedicated you are to your training. Though some may not understand, those you care about do, and they’re the ones that will be with you to celebrate. I’m starting into week 6 of my first marathon training and know I will have to make some sacrifices here coming up. I’m glad you posted this post now; I can’t wait to follow you through this peak month and into the final stretches. It seems like just yesterday you posted that post where you revealed to use that you had signed up.
Just want to say that you are totally inspiring to me. I’m cheering for you! It takes courage to state what you need while relentlessly pursuing a goal. Your dedication and determination are incredible!
I can totally relate to this post. I felt the same way the last year – it was especially difficult going from a non-triathlete to Ironman in one years because there are so many things to learn and so many uncertainties. I think that it was extra hard because of that. I think it’s good that you recognize that Ironman is a selfish sport but I also think it’s ok to be selfish at times to achieve amazing goals. This goal is important to you and you are inspiring so many along the way to achieving it. Ironman starts to ruin relationships and destroy marriages not when one person is racing and the other isn’t, but when the person racing isn’t cognizant of their impact on the other. It sounds like you have you have been great at communicating your commitment for your loved ones even when you can’t physically be around them as well as letting them know how much you appreciate their patience and support, and your relationships won’t suffer because of that.
Let me know if you ever need to chat more about it!!!
Crazy, I always thought marathon training meant giving up so many things but I know IM training is a whole other level. I can’t wait to see you finish your first IM! You will kick ass and it will all be worth it and you will hopefully be able to make up for all the things you’ve had to sacrifice
I came across your blog today via Women’s Running mag and I’m compelled to write you, not because of your dedication to your training, but because repeatedly refer to your husband as “chicken face” and “kid”. I just can’t get past that. It may be accentuated by the fact that your post is about you being selfish with your training, but these nicknames just seem so disrespectful to me. I don’t know a single man who would like being to be referred to in that manner privately much less publicly. Call me old fashioned, but I think men, especially husbands, should be held in higher regard than that. I know mine is. With all sincerity, best of luck with your training and your marriage.
Thank you for your comments on my marriage. Chicken Face says hi too.
where’s the “like” button? sheesh. some people should get a life. i religiously stalk your blog (I’m sorry) and i think you and chicken face are adorable and i hope i find a man some day who i can not only love like you love him but still be crazy silly with too.
You’re almost there! One of the reasons that ‘chicken face’ and your friends and family lovely is surely because you are such a dedicated, passionate woman. That’s what makes you tick, that’s what makes you You! You’ll be fab and you’ll have an amazing team of supporters behind you. Not long to go now…
Wow, I should proofread more. I mean to say they love you. And personnaly, I LOVE that you call chicken face chicken face.
More typos? I’m gonna stop spamming your comment feed now and go back to school. Congrats on everything, again.
Ironman training does lead to sacrifices along the way, but the reward, when you cross that finish line, more than makes up for all of the sacrifices. It is an incredible thing to finish an ironman and, for me, it changed me, for the better, not just finishing, but the entire journey and the entire race. The sacrifices will lead you to a better you.
As with anything in life, the sacrifices have to be worth the end result. As long as the people in your life are okay with how things are going now, sounds like you are fine. I’m assuming that you would support Chicken face if he decided to do anything super involved if he wanted to. I guess just make sure to ask your family members what their feelings are if things feel like they are getting out of control.
Hey Page!
It’s Amanda. I had actually met you at the Chicago marathon 2 years ago. My friend and I are fans. I admit that I haven’t been keeping up with your blog as much as I used to. I knew you were training for an ironman and would check in on your progress every now and then. I just finished my 10th marathon which was a big accomplishment for me. But, this time it felt a little different. I felt like if I didn’t PR or have something to show for my work it was less exciting and kind of blah.
Sometimes I feel the way you do about all of your sacrifices and “missing outs”. I am 27 and feel like I should be out ’til 2 am and drinking while watching football games like everyone else. If I ever try to do that, it’s not as fun as it should be. I would actually rather do yoga or run with a few girlfriends than get crazy at a bar. “Am I weird? ” , I ask my bf, we’ll call him “rooster face”. When I complain about going home early from a bachelorette party or waking up early, he’ll say something like, “You don’t HAVE to run tomorrow if you don’t want to!” It’s a crazy feeling to feel like you REALLY do HAVE TO. It becomes so much a part of what makes me happy, energized, silly, calm, and me! Running is such a love hate thing. Miles 20-25 yesterday were terrible, but then speeding to a downhill finish line while thousands of people cheer you on…. you reach that moment of exhilaration. You cross that line about to cry, laugh, scream, and pee! Life is great! You did it! You think “I rock!” You get your medal. You eat cake with no regrets….
Then, the next day. I am left with no marathon in the horizon. No goals, no training plan ,no purpose. You would think I would think , “Yay! I can sleep in and go out with friends!” But that’s not really me.
Maybe I’m really not missing out. Maybe the people who have never earned their medal in an endurance event are missing out because they don’t understand that level of self satisfaction and hard work.
Yes, endurance athletes are not like everyone else. We are different and sometimes misunderstood. We miss out on some things, but we get to experience some AMAZING things that can only be attained with sacrifice.
It’s nice to be around people that understand what you do and why you do it. It’s also important to understand the things that are important to them and know when to cut your run a few miles short.
We can’t have it all. A rocking party life, work happy hours, and a perfect Ironman workout. That’s why it’s something you earn. It’s worth more because you worked for it. Maybe that’s why some of my marathons are less satisfying than others, because when I gave it my ALL during training… I reaped the rewards. And when I skipped runs to go to a wedding or because I was traveling or drank wine and felt lazy…. the finish line wasn’t so sweet.
Stay focused. Don’t feel bad. It’s not worth it if you half ass it. GIVE IT 100%. IM is worth the sacrifice.
Hi Amanda, Nice to hear from you again! I don’t regret choosing this over the “other” way of life, not one bit. I just wish that I could cherish more time with the important, small handful of people in my life. You’re right, we need to give it 100% because this is what makes us happy!