Worst News Ever

I’m sitting here with just Lola on my lap and Chicken away at work, not sure what to do. I actually don’t want to do anything at all, so instead, I’ll write a blog post because I can’t sleep.

I feel like my tears have been exhausted but they just keep coming and I just want to wake-up from this nightmare.

Long story short, I went back to the chiro and my ankle isn’t healing the way it was expected to heal. It’s still swollen (in fact, my leg is swollen), still bruised, still hurts. My chiro literally said, “This is worse than we originally thought.”

And with that, he told me he doesn’t see how I can do the race without the serious risk of doing permanent damage.

Fast forward through the two hours of non-stop crying, I went to urgent care to get an X-ray because I couldn’t wait until the morning. The X-ray didn’t show any fractures or breaks and the urgent care doc suspects joint damage of some sort. However, she didn’t want to diagnose anything without seeing a specialist.

Tomorrow I’ll go see an ankle/sports doc, but as of right now, I will not be competing in what has been one of the biggest goals of my entire life, and something I worked so hard for.

I am literally broken into a million little pieces and I don’t know how to pick them all up right now.

I’ll update once I go to the ankle specialist/sports doc tomorrow.

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74 Responses to Worst News Ever

  1. Cait says:

    Heartbroken for you – been following along through your training and I have been amazed by your dedication. Sending lots of positive vibes your way, try and keep your chin up.

  2. Craig says:

    Page. So sorry to hear the bad news. I have no doubt you would have hit your goal had this not happened. I’m not sure if you’ve had injuries to deal with before,. They suck, but you can come back from them even stronger then before. Unfortunately you have to do so on the timeline of the injury.

    Still hoping for the best.

  3. Layla says:

    Oh, Page, I am so soooo sorry. I know how hard you’ve worked for this. I don’t have any magic cure or any words that will fix everything, but know that I’m in your corner, no matter what. And I still believe you’ll get to wear the Ironman title.

  4. Turi says:

    Hang in there, Page. Setbacks are part of the journey. You’ll get there. Lotsa time, but be patient.

  5. Jen says:

    So sorry to hear it! This must be heartbreaking. I agree with Craig above — injuries suck, but I’m positive you’ll come back stronger than ever. Not to mention that you’ll be SO grateful for a working body (I speak from experience — torn ACL/reconstruction and ankle surgery). Holding out for better news tomorrow…

  6. Sadface! I can’t believe I’m reading a post about this. I can understand how this would be completely heartbreaking for you at this stage in the journey. Just know that your eventual IM glorious finish will be *that* much sweeter when you cross the finish line.

    Your progress, PRs, and journey have still been amazing. I don’t see this as an end to your Ironman journey. It doesn’t seem completely out of the window…it really just seems postponed for when your body is 100% back into the groove.

    Are you still planning on heading out to the race with your support team? I am sure there are a lot of ways you can still get involved in the spirit of Ironman, even if you aren’t racing.

    Keep your chin up! Even open water couldn’t faze you. You’re still an inspiration to us all, and in our eyes, you still are an Ironman :)

    -Amara

  7. Charlotte says:

    Page I’m so sorry. I’ve been reading your blog for years and we can all see how hard you’ve trained for this new adventure after being a kickass runner. You will definitely be an Ironman one day, there’s no doubt about it. For now I wish you to heal 100% and to not be too sad.

  8. kimra says:

    Rooting so hard for you – I hope you get good news or at the very least clear news tomorrow. I can’t imagine how hard this waiting must be.

    You WILL be an Ironman, whether it’s this weekend or not.

  9. XLMIC says:

    I am SO bummed for you :( I don’t even really know what else to say :( Your tears are warranted…have no shame shedding them. Know that you will compete in and complete an IRONMAN in the not too distant future. This isn’t the end…it is the beginning. But I send (((hugs))) your way because they feel good :)

  10. Lazychick says:

    Oh no Page!! I know you are a strong strong person. Hang in there, you will come Bak stronger than ever.

  11. PAGE! I feel so awful for you! Injuries are the worst!! I really wish injuries were like the flu. They came for 3-7 days and then sayonara! I’m really hoping you have some better news today. Chin up friend, the Ironman was made for you.

  12. Jenn says:

    Oh Page- I’m so sorry! We are all here for you!!

  13. Kimi says:

    Oh Page, mother eff! I’m so sorry.

  14. Toni says:

    I am rooting for you!! Please know that this injury does NOT take away from your incredible journey this past year. Yes, it may just prolong the journey a while longer, but you WILL cross that finish line and be an ironman!! Do not let the injury win. Get healthy and get determined to cross that finish line. It may not happen at the race YOU picked, but I truly believe there is another race waiting for you. It will be that much sweeter. Hang in there! I’ve been reading your blog since I signed up for the 2011 SF Marathon and even though I took this past year off from running, I continued to read your journey. It’s a great journey and its not over yet. Sending you happy thoughts from Chicago!

  15. Oh my goodness, page. I don’t even know what to write. This must be absolutely devastating.
    Please do update after you see the doc. Thinking of you….

  16. J says:

    Oh girly I am so so sorry. I know what it feels like to not be able to compete because of an injury. Pulling out of a race/event before its even started is one of the hardest things to do. But you will race an ironman when you are healthy and your ankle is better! Hope your DRs appointment goes well today and they figure out how to heal you faster! You are so strong and wonderful – you will comeback and keep training and run again. Let all the tears out and then heal up and I know you will be back on the road soon.

  17. Liz says:

    OH NO!! Page, I’m so sorry — I know that there is NOTHING anyone can say that will make this any better for you, but I will say that I KNOW you will come back from this, and you will rock an Ironman someday!

  18. abbi says:

    Very sorry to hear this, it has to be heartbreaking to have worked so hard to come to this injury.

  19. Oh no! Page, I am SO SORRY! That freaking BLOWS. No way else to put it. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it even an ounce better (and I don’t even “know” you, but this legit breaks my heart!), but there really aren’t any words. Wallow. Cry. Be sad. Be freaking PISSED. Curse. Shout. Yell. Cry more. You’re allowed to be PISSED and SAD and MAD and everything in between. Freaking sucks.

    I know you’ll come back even stronger from this and I can’t wait to read about it. In the meantime… cookie dough and sex and the city reruns do wonders in the wallowing process.

  20. Kim says:

    Page!!!!!!! I’m so, so sorry! :( I will pray for a miracle!!!!

  21. MICHAEL MEANEY says:

    Page………….. All of this hard work training for an Ironman is where the real memories are. The Ironman is only a little part of the whole experience. Yeah it’s cool to cross the line, but 20 years from now you remember the bonds that you made with people not the event. The good news……………. THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER IRONMAN. They have one every weekend all over the world. You only have two ankles and they have to last the rest of your life. So an Ironman every weekend…..or hurting yourself and being down for a long time. I have broken both of my ankles twice. It was not fun coming back from any of them. I was a clumsy kid!!!!

  22. Christy says:

    Page, I am so so so sorry. Like any injury, there’s always the “phases of recovery” and right now, you’re probably going through the ‘grief’ and ‘anger’ parts of it. I may be totally off but I’ll say this: You’ve accomplished SO much in this training cycle…combating your fear of open water, successfully training for an Ironman…you were so ready to crush this. I’ve never done a triathlon but I do know that with the marathon distance, I’ve learned so much from every training cycle that has allowed me to be a better, stronger, faster runner…when you do come back to start training for your next one, you’ll only put all of those learnings into your training and be ready to blow your expectations from IMAZ out of the water. Hang in there!

  23. Page I am so heartbroken for you. I wish I had words that would help you feel better, but I don’t think there are any. *HUGS*

  24. Sarah F says:

    Oh Page. This is heartbreak that I have seen before. I know how crushing it is. I have several friends who had disaster strike right before their Ironman and it either seriously derailed their plans or led to a DNS. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but life will go on after this Ironman. The best thing you can do is start thinking about how strong you will be for your next race. I know it doesn’t weaken the heartache for the loss of this race, but it can give you something to lookg forward to in the future. In the meantime surround yourself with those who love and support you. The good news is that you will have another race. And you’ve learned so much training for this race that the next race will not even see you coming!

  25. Corey says:

    Oh Page, my heart is breaking for you. There are no words that I could say that could possibly make it better. I hope in some way or in some form you will be able to find peace with this and know that it happened for a reason. For some horrible, awful reason, you may not have been meant to race IMAZ this year. I hope some day you will be able to look back at this and know that something good came out of everything awful that is happening. Hugs.

  26. Lindsey says:

    Oh Page, I’ve been following your training for months and I don’t think I’ve ever commented before, but I had to join in today. I know that this is not ok, and no amount of comments (especially comments from strangers) is going to make it better. But girl, you are so strong! You have to keep your head up, get healed, and you will come back better than ever. For whatever reason IMAZ just isn’t meant to be your race. But that just means that some other race IS. And you will find it, and you will crush it, and it will be SO sweet.

  27. Cort says:

    Paige- I know how hard you’ve worked to get ready for IMAZ, and how much of a letfown it is to miss your goal race due to injury or illness. It sucks. But I hate to hear that it’s been days of nonstop crying and that you’re broken into a million pieces. A little perspective? You aren’t dying. Your home and family are fine and safe. Your husband and friends are there to support you. This isn’t the only race, or even the only ironman. Please stop with the wallowing and be the stong woman that you are.

  28. Marlene says:

    Oh no Page. My heart literally just sank. I am so so so sorry. I was hoping beyond hope that it was going to be okay for your big day. Devastating.

    Big big big hugs.

    F*CK!!!!!!!!!! sorry I just had to get that out.

    There will be another Ironman for you, of that I am certain.

  29. Aron says:

    I know you must just be simply exhausted from every hurdle you have had to face over the last year, and this just is another one to climb making it even harder. But know that it WILL all pay off and you WILL be an Ironman soon. There aren’t any words to make the pain go away, so just know how many of us are heartbroken for you and are cheering you on. We will continue to be inspired by you and cheer for you as this journey continues. Your heart and dedication are something to be admired and I know they will keep you going as you heal and get back out there ready for another IM. <3 <3 hang in there girl.

  30. Sarah S. says:

    Hey Page, I’ve been reading your blog for a while but never commented. I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your accident. I hope you get some more answers at the specialist appointment. Hang in there…

  31. Kristy says:

    I have been following your training since you started. I am heartbroken for you. I have no words and I can’t even begin to put myself in your shoes and fathom how your are feeling. Hang in there. You will be an IM someday. You have the drive and determination to train again. It will happen!

  32. Colleen says:

    I’m so so sorry. :( The human body is an amazing machine and it’s a miricle we’re able to do the things we do. But it is also so fragile. It’s crazy how one wrong step can mess someone up so badly. I know a girl who was just dancing around one day and totally shattered her knee. The doctors said it looked like someone took a jack hammer to it! She had to have a major reconstructive sergery. I don’t know if that story will make you feel better or worse. I just hope yours isn’t nearly as bad as anything like that. Just know that you have a lot of people out here rooting for you, and we’re more worried about your health and safty than you doing an Ironman. You will do one some day, it just might not be the day you expected. Hang in there. :)

  33. Naomi says:

    There’s nothing I can say to make it better for you but my heart breaks for you. *hugs*

  34. Claire says:

    Ugh, my heart breaks for you in this mess. Pulling for you, Page.

  35. Katherine says:

    Oh, my heart aches for you, Page. I’m confident that you will be an Ironman soon if not this weekend. And don’t forget that you’ve completed the 70.3—that’s a huge deal for a newbie triathlete. Hoping for good news and that you might be able to compete.

  36. Alisa says:

    This is horrible horrible news. I am so sorry. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling about this. However, the great thing about Ironman is it isn’t going anywhere—I know this has been a year of training and expenses and time but there will be other chances to complete the IM. And, doing so healthy means you can go after that secret goal you mentioned…which I imagine involves dreaming about a hulu skirt and a lei =).

  37. Tricia@ZOOMA says:

    Injuries suuuuuuuuck. Wishing you a speedy recovery!

  38. Jess says:

    Oh Page, I am so sad for you. I hope you know that regardless of how it all turns out that you inspire many and your journey has been a great one to follow. We’re all pulling for you.

  39. Holly says:

    My heart is literally breaking for you. I wish I had some sage advice or words that would make it better, but there’s nothing. It’s ok to be sad and devastated. You invested a solid year in this. so I’d think it more odd if you weren’t upset. I have no doubt you’ll be an IM sooner rather than later. Maybe not as soon as you originally planned, but you WILL get there. I know I haven’t commented much lately, but I’ve loved following your progress and have been continually impressed by your dedication and improvements. Sending virtual hugs and prayers for full recovery!!

  40. Page…I’m so, so sorry! Maybe the specialist will have something better to say, but….either way, my heart breaks for you. I know they say that the joy is in the journey, not the destination, but the destination was a huge thing this time around. Fingers crossed for you and all your hard work!

  41. Heather B says:

    So sorry to hear this Page, I know you’ve worked so hard! Be proud in your accomplishments this far, you’ve done an amazing job! Keep your chin up :) We’re rooting for you either way.

  42. Alexia says:

    Page. So, so sad for you about this. Take care of your body right now, heal and know that you will rock an Ironman sometime. Your grace, honesty, fearlessness and humor are always so inspiring no matter what race you are or are not competing in. Sending good and healing prayers to you. xo

  43. nian says:

    Hey i can imagine how upset you are but try to zoom out and see that is a very small issue indeed. Your training is not wasted, you will build on that and have many great races. It could have been a much worse injury. You will recover and be healthy and fine. Just try to recover completely to avoid any long term, nagging impact… And plan for next.

  44. Lindsay says:

    Page – I’m so sorry. Keep your spirits up, take care of yourself, you’ve come so far. you’ll get there. xoxox L

  45. Clair says:

    Dang, I’m really sorry. Sending you good thoughts for some answers from the sports doc today.

  46. Meghan says:

    I am really sorry to hear this. There is no other way to put it- it just plain sucks. Hang in there–you are allowed to feel sad and disappointed. I know you will bounce back and you are still a true inspiration!

  47. Susan SRMS says:

    Page, take some time to heal and come back even stronger. Look at this experience as your dress rehearsal for your IM in the near future.

  48. Oh no! I’m so sorry :( You will get to become an Ironman, it may just not be as soon as you would have liked. You have done a lot of training and prep for this race, but it will benefit you in the future.

    But, of course, I know that this just plain outright SUCKS right now. Know that we are all thinking of you!

  49. ((((PAGE)))) I am heartbroken for you. Praying and thinking of you.

  50. Jessica B. says:

    I’m so sorry to hear this. Heartbreaking news, knowing you have worked so hard. Get the ankle healthy and search for a new race. In the meantime treat yourself to some starbucks, a movie and maybe a little retail therapy. Oh and of course lots of time with Chicken Face and Lola.

  51. Nelly says:

    Oh no. I figured that with icing, ART and iburophen you would be good by race day.

    I know that nothing anyone can say will make you feel better. And with the timing of your injury it must feel like the end of the world. I know it must be crushing to go through all the training and not get to do your big reward of the ironman race. Though I was telling someone yesterday at dinner – my favorite part of running is the training – the race is just a topper or reward. So at least you have done all the training and gotten your enjoyment that way.

    Hopefully you get an answer as to how long your injury will keep you out for. Hopefully it is a short time – depending on the answer as to how long you are out, mayb e you can do an ironman in Jan or Feb. Because I bet you won’t lose too much of your fitness – I’m assuming that you can still swim and bike? Maybe running is the only thing that might suffer a bit?

    I was injured almost all during 2011 – and when race day came for the races I registered for but couldn’t do, I wanted nothing to do with them. I couldn’t even watch highlights of the race on TV without getting emotional. So I wouldn’t recommend going down to AZ, I think it will be too painful. Cancel the hotel/plane now and maybe you can get a refund back.

    You’ve had an amazing training cycle, and I don’t think all that training is wasted because of this injury. You WILL be an ironman.

  52. Jamie says:

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while and you were such a huge inspiration while I was training for my first marathon (RnR Savannah on November 3). I ended up not being able to run the race because of Hurricane Sandy. I’m so sad it looks like IMAZ isn’t in the cards anymore, but wanted you to know that your blog has often served as the light at the end of a lonely running tunnel for me. When you finish your Ironman one day soon, I can’t wait to read about it!

  53. Leanne says:

    Major hugs!!! I hope the specialist give you positive news but for now hang in there!

  54. RoseRunner says:

    This is harder to read than any other blog post I’ve ever read. I wish there was some way to uplift you. :( sad sad sad. Much love and may your IM luck take a turn for the better

  55. Meggie says:

    Oh, Page. I am so sorry to hear this and my heart breaks for you. I know what a year of ups and downs this has been, but I truly believe you will get your ironman in there someday, and hopefully soon! Although this pales in comparison, I got my IT band injury 2 weeks before the NYC marathon last year. At the time , I was so disappointed and depressed, but, in the end, it changed my perspective and I think I’m a better athlete now because of it. I’m just so sorry a freak accident has thrown a wrench in your plans. I feel for you, I really do. I wouldn’t know what to do myself. Hoping that you get some answers, soon, and if this weekend isn’t your day to shine, I know someday soon will be!

  56. Jojo says:

    Oh noooo! :-( I am so sorry to hear this news. You’ve put everything you have into training and what an amazing journey it’s been. I know your Ironman adventure is right around the corner and that you WILL have a successful race in not too long. It’ll be that much sweeter when you make this dream a reality. Be thankful for the incredible road you’ve taken here, give your body the rest it’s asking for, and we’ll all be here cheering you on when the time comes to tackle 140.6. (that’s the distance, right?)

  57. Jessica Grover says:

    Page, I am so sorry this has happened. Especially so close to race day. You have worked so hard this year. Hopefully another IM attempt is in your near future. Sending you lots of happy thoughts and healing powers.

  58. Kristen says:

    Oh Page, I am so sorry to hear this news. You have truly given it your all this year and have so much to be proud of. You have had major success with your swimming and your performance at Vineman was phenomenal. Cherish those accomplishments. I have really enjoyed reading about your training and seeing your improvements. It really is inspirational! Even if you don’t get your Ironman this year I have no doubts that when you cross the finish line in the future it will be that much sweeter for you. I hope you get good news from the doctor and I am thinking of you! {hugs!}

  59. Anna says:

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while now but I’ve never commented, until today. This is so heartbreaking and I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now! I’ve had to miss several races this year due to injury and health problems, and it sucks big time. It’s so frustrating! There is no way around it, you will feel terrible, and there’s nothing that will make it hurt less except a bit of time. Just remember that you’re taking care of yourself and doing the right thing. Not always the easiest thing to do, but you will learn and grow so much from going through this crap!

    You’ve come so far on this training journey, physically and mentally, and while this injury may have taken away the race, it can’t take those experiences away from you. Think about how much you’ve accomplished! And it’s obviously no consolation, but you won’t lose too much fitness during this recovery period and you’ll be ready to tackle another race before you know it.

    Focus on healing and take care of yourself! There are a lot of us out here in internet-land pulling for you and sending healthy-ankle thoughts your way!

  60. Catherine says:

    So sorry to read the news. Hoping the Specialist gives you some positive news.

  61. Lisa says:

    Page.. I am so sorry. I have followed your journey and this news is heartbreaking. I am crossing my fingers for a miracle for you. You have worked so hard for this day.

  62. Nelly says:

    Okay, I just thought of an analogy that is kind of bizarre – but thought I’d share it anyways. I almost view the whole training process and the race as a full meal. You’ve already done all the training, and so you had your salad and main course. I view the actual race as the dessert, and you just need to wait a bit to have a taste of that. But you will have your dessert soon enough. Hang in there.

  63. Deborah says:

    Page my heart is breaking for you! I have been following your training all along and I know you are devastated. Hang in there. What you have done up to this point in your training can be called your dress rehearsal. You will come back from this injury and get back down to business and make your dream come true!

  64. I have also been following your training and my heart aches for you!! I wish you a speedy and strong recovery and know you’ll come back stronger!

  65. EmzInAZ says:

    Page
    you
    are
    a
    rockstar.

    Thinking of you. This completely sucks for you. No matter what others say, “be positive”, “be grateful”, “there’s another race”….blah blah blah. I’m the girl over here feeling for ya.
    Hang in there.

  66. Annie says:

    I’m so sorry Page. I recently started following your blog and I am sitting here reading your post, literally feeling the pain that you must be feeling right now. I just trained for my first marathon and got diagnosed with runner’s knee 3 weeks before race day. Thankfully I steroid shot nipped it in the bud but I kept thinking to myself — what IF the dr. tells me I can’t run this thing? After months and months of training, I would have been CRUSHED. Now, you’re training for something much bigger than a marathon and I’m sure this has been your life. This is devastating news, but I bet you’ll get through it and persevere…I know it doesn’t help to hear this, but you health is the most important thing and you would NEVER forgive yourself if you did this race and hurt yourself for the long run and couldn’t ever run again or had to take months, or even years off to heal. Just take this as a *sign* and keep praying that it’s just a bump in the road that you will get through. Thinking about you!

  67. chacha says:

    I am truly sad for you – we all have seen just how hard you have been working towards this goal. Even though, logically, you know there will be another chance to do it, it still has to just be heart-breaking. I hope you are feeling a little better on a couple nights sleep.

  68. I feel for you. We all have things we always wanted but never had the chance to take that further. We might as well accept it but make sure that it does not stop you from doing more of it in the future. There are more races to come and you will be better prepared for it. Are there other races you might see in the near future? Feel better dear!

  69. Hayley says:

    I have been following your training for months but have never commented. I’m so so sorry for you. These comments are probably not going to make you feel any better right now but hopefully some day in the future you can go back and read them and appreciate people trying to comfort you. I’ve been there before (for my first marathon, not an ironman which are not even near the same league) and I was mad for so long. I wanted to roll my eyes at everyone saying they were sorry and that I’d get it next time, there are other marathons, etc etc etc. but in hindsight I wish I had listened and taken their sincerity for what it was. Anyway – a lot of your readers can probably sympathize and while that doesn’t help you heal or get to the IMAZ it will hopefully help with digging deep to train for another one. Best of luck. I hope you heal quickly!!

  70. Meredith says:

    So sorry to hear the news, I was really pulling for you after all of your training setbacks and hard work! The other commenters said it all, so I will spare you the repetition. But of course, you will be an Ironman someday!

  71. Lauren says:

    Page – I am so so so sorry. I don’t even have words., other than my heart is breaking for you. I can’t imagine what you are going through right now. I hope you’re hanging in there. Please know that so many are thinking of you this weekend. I know it doesn’t make it better, but hopefully it helps just a little bit…

  72. Michaela says:

    Oh, Page!!!!! NOOOOO!!! My heart goes out to you. I’ve been following your Ironman journey over the past year, and I know we’ve been at some of the same events together. I am so sorry to hear about this — I’m thinking of you and hoping for a good outcome from the sports doc. If I could give you my ankle, I would.

  73. amanda kallen says:

    haven’t commented before but have followed your blog for a while – this post warranted a reply – so sorry to hear this news. :( i know you are devastated, but i also know there is another great race out there for you (even though that doesn’t make it easier now…). you are an inspiration! hang in there!!

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