Thanks for all of your great questions on my earlier post, but one came up that warranted a post of its own as I receive it quite frequently.
Mary asked, “How do you fit in/balance the all the training + work + all the things in life that need to be done (grocery shopping, home maintenance, etc.)?”
Well, Mary. I hate to disappoint, but I don’t. It’s simply impossible and I don’t even have kids!
Let’s back up a bit first. My choice to do an Ironman was a strategic decision. At this point in my life, I don’t own a house, I don’t have kids, my current job is quite steady and doesn’t require much travel, and my husband works full time and goes to school at night for his MBA (thus, is extremely busy too). When I first decided to make the jump to an Iroman (the IMAZ days), it was a conversation with my husband, my potential coach, and an open understanding that this would be a massive time commitment. Unfortunately, I don’t think my husband quite understood what we got ourselves into…twice.
One sprained ankle, one DNS, two training cycles and a year and a half later…there is no easy answer other than balance is really tough. And to be quite honest, it’s trying on a relationship. I won’t force you to wear the rose-colored glasses here: Chicken Face and I have had our fair share of arguments about time, priorities and my training.
In addition, my house is a disaster, I have worn my hair in a wet bun to work for the past four months, a Target trip is the only shopping I do, I’ve been trying to get through the same book for the last six months, I haven’t seen my non-tri friends in a really long time (thankfully they are athletes too and understand), my family reminds me how little they see me, and any social interactions that I do have are cut short by me saying, “It’s 8:30. It’s late. I gotta get home because I have a big training day tomorrow.” Quite frankly, your entire life is scheduled around your training.
But wait! Don’t go running in the other direction!
While Ironman training is no easy task, there is so much to gain from it. Outside of the physical gains, I have been introduced to so much that I wasn’t aware of before and my cup now feels full of adventure and growth. I have also found new passions that make my heart smile, for example, cycling. I am madly in love with this new sport. I’ve also discovered gorgeous places, made amazing new few friends, have learned how to be alone with my thoughts, how to overcome disappointment, and actually, how to balance my life and communicate with my husband even more than before.
Something strange also happens: when you make something a priority, it just gets done and the other priorities in your life seem to fall into place as they should be.
Wendy also asked, “When you look back at all the hours and hours of training you did, do you regret putting in that much time? Did you sacrifice husband time or family time?”
Whoa, Wendy. Deep question.
Again, to be completely honest, I often feel guilty. I know that my training requires a huge amount of time focused solely on myself. Yes, it’s selfish. My husband is great at supporting me, but he isn’t an endurance athlete himself, nor is anyone in my family. Thus, it’s just “Page being crazy” and wonder when the addiction will stop.
But no, I don’t regret the sacrifices I’ve made. Because in the end, you only regret that chances you didn’t take.
Ironman training IS a serious investment that has it’s highs and lows, but I love it. Just be honest in the time investment, make sure that it fits with your life and have a support system in place. Those people (e.g. my husband) are critical to your success, just be sure to return the favor.
Now it’s your turn: how do you try to find balance between training, life and family?
Happy Running!
Thank you for this honest post. I finished reading this one and thought, “She is very real about the entire experience.” It makes your blog so readable and relatable, even if I’m not training for an Ironman. Big props, Page. I admire how you own up to every aspect of training.
What an awesome post. I always wonder how people do it all and it’s nice to see that realistically, you can’t do it all and that’s okay.
I just found your blog thanks to a friend who read my post about my first tri and my open-water freakout. She suggested I come over here and be inspired. Can’t wait to work my way through your archives.
Sounds familiar. I did my first IM while my husband was getting his MBA at night too!
We are expecting in November and I’m contemplating doing another one next year. Holding off on that registration though. I have no idea what this is going to be like!! Thanks for being so open about what it’s really like.
It’s cool that you’re so honest about everything– very relatable! I find it really difficult to balance even just “normal” training (i.e., not for a tri!) with the rest of my life!
The other day I told my boyfriend that I didn’t want to go to a party with him because I was tired of being that person who always had to leave early (because I have a long run or a race the next day)…but in the end we went, had a good time, and still managed to leave fairly early, and I even had a good race. So, sometimes you can sort of fit those things in, though I also get the “oh, you’ve got some crazy run again, okay” comments a lot.
Thanks for this post, Page! It’s so great to hear about how people do it (or don’t do it). It’s so nice to hear the truth about it all. I actually sent this post to my husband. And as far as leaving early and not seeing non-Ironman friends, it’s strange to interact sometimes with people that don’t “get it”. I have some friends who aren’t athletes at all and are more the type that complain about working out and drag themselves to the gym, and they think I’m full on nuts. That’s hard, and I imagine that as you continue upping the goals in terms of how long it takes and how many miles your goals races are, they’ll think I’m even more crazy…
Great post and so true! Have a great race at CdA! Looking forward to reading all about it..
I was at a work conference last year, and someone asked about “balancing it all”, and I remember one of the panelists saying “Don’t talk about balance, talk about choices.”
That statement has stuck with me, because when I think about people I know who maybe seem to be ‘doing it all’, I also know that there are choices that they have had to make to seemingly have/do it all. Thanks for being so honest here, especially about what you’ve gained from the experience.
What a great post! I’m married to a non-runner as well and while I’m DEFINITELY not training for something as time consuming as an IM, even fitting marathon/tri training into our weekends is sometimes rough. He thinks I’m crazy to want to go to bed early and get up to run a long run on a Sunday, I think he’s nuts for wanting to lift weights at night all the time. And did I mention we are remodeling a rental home with his parents? So, basically a second job to have to work my running schedule around. Fun stuff. Being an adult is hard, yo.
I’m lucky because my boyfriend has a similar “crazy” passion for the endurance lifestyle, and that helps. It doesn’t help the state of our apartment (always messy with loads of laundry to do) but it’s something that we get to enjoy together! My family understands, and I make Sunday evening dinners with them a priority, even if I need to be in bed by 9pm. Now that I’m on a break from CRAZY Ironman training/BQ qualifying, I make sure to attend happy hours and outings with friends to make up for lost time. Then the cycle will probably repeat itself. 🙂
What a great post! I just finished my first ultramarathon (50k) and already felt like my life was so busy. A lot of my time is lost not through training, but in commuting to and from work (about 45 minutes each way – I bike because it takes the same amount of time as the bus), so my boyfriend and I made the decision to move closer to work. Now I will only have a 15 minute commute, which saves me an hour a day!! I’m gearing up to train for my next ultra (50 miles) and he’s getting ready to start grad school, so we are both going to be swamped again. In the past, we have just always made us a priority – even if that’s just taking the dogs on their evening walk together for 15 minutes or actually sitting down to eat (or shovel the food into our mouths as quickly as possible) dinner together. Since running is important to me, he’s trying to build up mileage so that he can run a half marathon and go on shorter training runs with me. In return, I do some of my strength training with him. Sure, the dishes might not get washed all week and the laundry might be piled mountain high, but that stuff always gets done eventually.
Thank you for answering my “deep question” honestly. I’m always blown away by your training. I have a 3-year-old and I did a half that I finished, but it was awful. It’s on my bucket list to do a full and I’ve been debating on how important is it to do that when I have a toddler. Is it worth the sacrifice of time with her (although I’ll run most mornings before she gets up). But I wonder how depleted will my energy be for her…
I can’t half-ass training and I’m afraid I did that unintentionally on my first half. I see that it takes TONS of dedication for something this epic. Go you for getting it done girl!
This is such a great post. I love how honest you always are. I just started training for my first marathon today, and I’m worried about training taking over my life. Sometimes people don’t get it when you have to go home at 9 because you have a long run at 6:30 the next morning, but I’m hoping everyone in my life will understand and be supportive.
let’s hear it for honesty!!!! 🙂 I have wondered over the years if my training is sacrificing other things and the truth is yes, but I love it so I suppose the trade off is worth it and that’s just a marathon, can’t imagine an ironman!
This is an issue that’s been heavy on my mind lately — and I’m “only” training for a 70.3. This is such a clear look at what it actually means to “sacrifice” or “make time for” your big goals! I’d be curious to know what’s worked for you in terms of making time/keeping your family and friends and Chicken in the loop and even to know what hasn’t. (e.g. did you swear up and down you’d do a weekly date night and end up having it just stress you out? etc.)
A lot of ‘amen!’ for this post. I’ve never done an IM, so my athletic commitment has never been quite this huge – but kudos to you. I kinda get annoyed when people talk about ‘balance’, which implies (to me, at least) that things are perfectly weighted against each other. In reality, it’s a constant push/pull battle to do the best you can with 24 hours in a day – and some things win, and others lose. But at the end of the day, you’re smart to recognize this is a ‘season’ in life for you – a houseless, kidless, busy-husband season – that can mesh with IM training. As life goes on, there will be other seasons…and that’s all there is to it. Congrats for seizing the opportunities as they arise!!
Also, how do you stay awake at work? 😉
Love this post. It’s never easy when one partner is passionate about something the other one has no interest in, especially if it’s a new interest they’re suddenly bringing to the relationship. Thank you for sharing a bit about how it’s been for you. I agree that if you are really looking to push your limits and find your potential, there is no such thing as balance, really. You just have to decide that some stuff is more important than other stuff and let go of the mentality that you should be keeping a perfect house, cooking perfect meals, doing the perfect social butterfly routine on the weekends, etc….
Sometimes I think about training for an Ironman just to see what it would be like….but then I look at training plans and see just how much work/TIME it takes. I recently read an article about a wife that was upset that her husband was always out and training and never home, but it was phrased from the perspective that “she doesn’t understand what my training means to me,” while I don’t necessarily think people realize how much it takes away from other people to spend so much time timing. (I think you do understand, though!)
Great post, and I love the honesty!
I couldn’t imagine training for an IM if Kelly didn’t, but I think that’s in part because I don’t train with a club or coach, or have any friends that do it!
I cannot fathom how parents train for an IM.
I love that you’ve worn a bun to work for the past four months!
The only way I survive/balance is by doing what I can on many fronts- seeing friends and family, training, house cleaning. and looking good for work!
Thank you so much for such an honest answer to my question. – especially since your situation (married, reasonably predictable job, no kids) is somewhat similar to my own. Right now, I’m training for my first tri (sprint distance) and am really struggling to get in all the training and take care of the basics at home. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who can’t do it all!