Here we are. Recapping weeks three and four.
The past two weeks have been an odd mix of highs and lows: adventures with new friends, emotional conversations about the future, my family coming to visit, having to miss a few workouts due to my hamstring and those stupid heels, and still grappling with this feeling of an extreme loss of running fitness.
As someone who relates physical wellbeing as the main indicator of overall health (I know, stupid), I tend to dismiss how emotions and this little internal dialogue regarding life’s decisions can affect all aspects of life. If it’s not bleeding, tearing and broken – you’re fine, right? Well, apparently not.
I’m not talking about sleep loss, weight gain or headaches that are clear indicators that the stress is building up, but rather the little, deep things inside that you try to brush off, but they keep building, building, building until you snap. That stuff. It’s bad man, real bad.
So here’s a brutal, and probably too open, dose of reality: life is scary, life is hard, and if you (I’m speaking to myself here) don’t find a way to handle it, it will continue to eat away at you. Today, it built up so much that I finally said, “Screw it.” I knew if I ran I’d just get more upset about the fact that my legs weren’t performing the way I’d like them to, so I marched myself over to the pool.
Not only is the pool at Nike rarely full, but it’s simply gorgeous and empowering. There’s something about gliding through the lane, by myself, with the bright window light shining in from my left that calms me. And yes, this is coming from a girl who could easily do without swimming. But boy oh boy that pool, I feel lucky even getting to look at it.
I swam 1,900 meters, the farthest I’ve swam since Ironman, just thinking about my arms. I don’t know why and it wasn’t in regards to appearance, but just the feeling of pushing through the water, fingers pointed to the bottom, trying to flipturn, pushing off the wall, and continuing to glide. They felt powerful, yet so weak at the same time.
I got out of the pool feeling more cleared than when I went in. It wasn’t gone, but my chattering mind had turned down.
It’s not a solution, but I know this much about myself: being physically active and moving is critical to some semblance of mental and emotional balance in my life. It’s not just about racing or weight or blogging; instead, it’s my version of meditation, clarity and reflection. It’s my sanity and I am so very thankful for my healthy legs, heart, lungs and, this little life of mine.
After moving, I come out of my slump feeling thankful for the amazing opportunities given to me and that yes, it’s hard, but I can handle it.
Mon., 8/26: McMillan Strides Workout (~5.5 mi)
Tues., 8/27: Crosstrain: Core, Upper & Yoga
Wed., 8/28: Recovery Run at the Nike track + Strength (~3.5 mi)
Thurs., 8/29: First PDX Run in the Rain (~7 mi)
Fri., 8/30: Injured! Spinning + Yoga + Rest
Sat., 8/31: Injured! Stand-Up Paddleboard + Rest
Mon., 9/2: Labor Day Jaunts with Jen (5.5 mi)
Wed., 9/3: Regular Run (6 mi)
Thurs., 9/4: Recovery Run (3.6 mi)
Fri., 9/5: Run to Work (12+ mi / Garmin you’re killin’ me)
Sat., 9/6: Recovery Run (4 mi.)