Anticipating the future has been called a fruitless endeavor. In doing so, you can forget to live in the present, embrace life as it’s happening, and suck up everything that it has to offer.
Despite being with my husband for over 13 years now (married for almost 6), I put off getting pregnant for so long, thinking that it would be the demise of both my physical and emotional essence, and that “future” was something that would just have to wait. I knew that I wanted kids someday. Just not then. There was so much that I still wanted to do and see before I seemingly gave it all up, and I wanted to truly live in the present.
“When am I getting grandbabies?” My mother would bemoan on a weekly basis.
Every time she asked I jokingly added on another year to my fake timeline. If these calculations were true, I’d probably be 107 by the time that first baby would come around.
To be honest, I feared that a pregnant future was going to turn me into one of “those moms” and I’d become a complaint-filled, fun-sponge — likely due to the decrease in wine consumption and increase in soul-sucking responsibilities.
As a soon-to-be 32-year-old woman, I’m what some might call “old” for a first-time mom. But despite my age or any preconceived notions as to when a women should or should not bear children, I don’t regret my decision to wait. And for what it’s worth, I believe that every woman has the right to choose their own path — kids, no kids, late kids, early kids, whatever. You do you.
So I traveled, climbed mountains, became an Ironman, focused on my career, took risks, and waited until it felt right. And while I don’t plan for any of these things to stop, I do anticipate a future of even more change, including the good and the bad — just like those that came along with pregnancy.
But now that I’m nearing the end of growing a tiny human inside of me, I can attest that being pregnant wasn’t what I expected — or feared. Sure it was a rollercoaster of emotion and change, but the funny thing about these changes is that they’re neither fleeting nor futile. Taken individually, each experience was something that I approached day-by-day. But reflected on as a whole, I learned that this next chapter isn’t the end, but the beginning of a future that is worth anticipating.
Being pregnant helped me discover more of what I truly value.
To try and balance the important versus the trivial.
To realize who my good friends are.
To recognize just how much my husband and family means to me.
And what I want out of the future is becoming a bit clearer day by day.
Instead of sucking me into the seemingly dark side that I thought was motherhood, it has already enlightened my insanely naive thinking as to why that “dark side” isn’t to be detested, but can be something worth anticipating. And being one of “those moms” is actually the greatest compliment some young, dumb, 20-something could give you. I love this kid so much already and I haven’t even met him. Is there anything in life you could say the same thing about? (Ok, puppies. I’ll give you puppies. And the perfect avocado.)
I can only imagine what’s to come.
I know that the new future that’s going to start any day now won’t be easy. I also know that one of my greatest stress relievers is a good ugly cry. Thus, I’m anticipating a tear-filled future that will likely make me question my sanity and decisions on a daily basis. And I’m 100% confident that I will struggle in finding the daily balance between everything I love. But even when that future becomes a reality, I can look back on this pregnancy as something that has changed me for the better, because smooth seas never made a skilled sailor.
So as important as living in the present is, I’ve also learned that reflecting on the past and anticipation of future can be good for the soul too. Each little bit can put life in perspective, and that’s what it’s all about.
And I’m really looking forward to meeting this little one (any minute now). A future definitely worth anticipating.